When a Job is a Dream

I had the longest sleep I had for months. And I’m thankful. *sigh*

After I got a professional license, I said to myself “meh”. I don’t know why, but it felt like it’s not a big deal. And before that, I’m looking for jobs and had interviews lined up for me. Then I passed and cancel all those interviews. Pretty stupid move eh? Yea, I’m pretty stupid.   

The following months, I heard my batch mates have their jobs and having their first salary. And I’m envious, they’re so mature with their working hours and al in between a grown up is doing. But as they work, I’m working also. I know most of them think I’m doing nothing but enjoy the months willed by me, by not finding a job. Well they are wrong.

The difference between their job and what I was doing is the salary, I have none, I think my only salary is that happiness that I give myself whenever I finished and polished a chapter. Yes, I’d been doing my book. I thought of artworks and such to correspond in each every chapter. I’m checking the flow of the paragraphs and finding the best way to deliver the very first sentence “the hook” in writer’s terms.

It sounds weird, but I’m happy being solitary and doing just that.

Mind you, I do well with other people, yes sometimes I’m weird but it’s a healthy weirdness. Anyway, the following months my batch mates were going to beaches, enjoying, partying (oh, they posted that to facebook) while I imprison myself inside my room thinking how a sentence would be beautiful without overflowing it with unnecessary words. Even after graduation, I worked with my book with a small expectation of success and a great unhealthy hope that I’m curing myself as we speak. Do you know what my parents gave me when I graduated? Three days stay in a five star hotel (I’m thankful, greatly, but I don’t think that necessary) $100, and a kindle fire (which I got next year after). And that the greatest present my parents had given to me. Especially the kindle fire, because it felt like destiny that my dad didn’t buy the iPad 2 because it’s far expensive. With the kindle fire, I can see what my book will actually looks like in the eyes of the reader.

So what’s the point here?

I think, dream, that’s the point here. I’m thankful I have a dream, a dream that I want to be given to anyone after my life. A legacy. A dream that worth fighting for. I don’t dream of fame, I dream of people fascinated about the strings of moments that is in a book that I have made. Bucause my dream life would be probably a home comfortable enough (I don’t like big houses), an owned library in a small town which I would go to everyday, a dog named Cornilious, a family that I will love unconditionally, and to write. There’s something greater joy than having parties ever Friday, having friends that really don’t know you. I have four friends that respect me and know me (which I have less contact with). I love that life (the first one), and I’m going to do it, but now, I have to find a day job first :D  

*warning* Science and Religion *warning*

When I was a child, Science intrigues me and still it does. There's something in explained things that seems fun and natural (this was when I was six, ), then came religion. Religion is derive on faith, faith that there is a creator that controls everything in all existence and beyond. I love religion, it gives us hope that something is still after this life, it gives us courage and inspire us to do more. Well, Science do that also, it inspires us to find and answer and push though the boundaries of our understanding of what we know as truth.

I thought about that since I learned the word ‘Homo Sapiens’ and the ‘Evolution’ and when I compared it with the ‘Genesis’. My mind keep (still keep) struggling to find what is the truth. (again, I thought of these during my early teens)

So there’s going to be a logical answer right?

I try to find the answer in many adults, see their view and such. But no one, not even close, answered my question. What is right? Science or Religion?

So I created my own explanation binding the two.

To explain my so called theory, mind you that I am very hooked in ‘the cosmos’ in the national geographic and fascinated about Evolution of animals and such (programs I watched: The Universe, Mythbusters, Discovery, etc). I love physics… quantum physics that explains things in a very bizarre way, Religion does that too.

Let’s start about… at the beginning… The Genesis I created in “theory”. So if ever another sentient being landed in this planet of ours (yes aliens… my God, I’m such a geek). My belief is intact.

I don’t believe Adam and Eve is even a human, I don’t believe they are even a species of some unknown planet out there (yes, there are billions of planets that same in the condition of our earth). I logically believe that they are… are you ready?...

The first consciousness… consciousness that they know that they have a creator. (Now I sound crazy)

So what does this means for science? It means Science know we are conscious, and to think logically, we are the evolution of the universe. Beings that conscious and appreciate the things surround him/her.

Do you believe me? I don’t care… I don’t believe myself either. I mean, who talks like that? Sadly, me.

Another is about the war of destiny and free will… but later about that (another blog).

First I would tackle the concept of a soul, body and the spirit.

I don’t know what the effin’ difference between the soul and the spirit. Do you know that? I bet no because you don’t know me. Anyways, I was raised a Christian, a Christian who asked his mom “Mom? Why so many religions” (other blog maybe). Then one day I realized something with this phrase “In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the holy Spirit”. I realized that God is a soul, that a spirit is the holy spirit (the holy dove) and The Son is the body.

“And in His likeness we are created”

And that was the start of why I wrote a book. The idea that every human has consciousness or as I perceive it… a soul and a spirit, which as I perceives it… an angel.

 I know, I’m crazy and I don’t completely believe that either so that’s why I wrote a book. A book of my truth, chosen to be read as fantasy.

But still there’s something about truth that seems off. Because we really don’t know that is the true truth. We make our own truths as we evolve as humans. And truth between science and religion is still blurry. I just hate divisions, all of it, and I don’t know what’s wrong of me thinking these kind of thoughts and ideas (I think I need a psychiatrist).

Faith, doesn’t inspire truth… but it guides us to the right path. Because faith is more than that, because faith is hope, a hope that your loved ones are alright, a hope that everything will be fine, hope to grow and a hope that there will be a day where divisions are eradicated (seems impossible… but I still hope)… and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.   

Trinity: The Divine Wheel

My book is live! (alive?)

To all who are reading this, you can purchase it now on Amazon. Here’s the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Trinity-The-Divine-Wheel-ebook/dp/B007UL0552/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334565955&sr=8-1

It will be free on April 17, 2012, so don’t worry. We just have to wait for the kdp program to work :D

Thank youuu!

Live long and prosper and may the odds be ever in your favor

The complete version of my book is now currently being published…

Um…

So what? No. That’s not the question. Who cares? (<this should be humorous, so imagine this as a funny question, ohh please smile)

This is the time of my life where the past four years, three months, (something*) days, (something*) minutes is for. Actually, the way I visualize it is something grand, (don’t worry this is just writer’s fantasy of mine) which there will be a magnificent event that I am published with an agent and all the publishers lining up in buying the rights of my book. 

But no.

Instead of that, I’m right here in front of my computer, having that emotional rollercoaster again that I don’t like a single bit. I’m not complaining; mind you, I really love my very small laptop attached to a very large screen and a small apple keyboard with a cheap 4D mouse. (And I also love my life, even some days I feel it sucks) 

But I think something is missing…

I don’t care whether I am published traditionally or by myself. I just want to be published, and a someone who can appreciate what I wrote/my idea, and I want that someone to be a stranger, a complete unbiased stranger.

I haven’t told this to my family and friends but I don’t want them posting reviews in Amazon that is saying “Oooohhhh, read this, It’s so a great book. Five stars!”, you know, all the generic stuff a great book should be commended about. But frankly, now that I’m looking at myself after all those years, I think my book is still great, even if others don’t like it (but no one said they don’t like it and no one said its good either). (That’s the spirit!) My other conscious self said to me.

   

You know only three persons in the whole wide universe ever did read my book? (I don’t know the others who downloaded it, maybe it’s still stuck in their kindles, digitally untouched) First one who read is a classmate of mine back in college, and she didn’t finished it. Second is my girlfriend (who I love) and she finished it and said it was great. Third is my editor. My mom supported me, she bought books in writing for me, inspirational stuffs but she still hasn’t read the book. I understand this because she gets headache when she read too much, eye problem. (I’m getting out of line here).

Those three people kept me going even ‘the odds are ever against my favor’. And I love them, especially including my mom. So if a stranger gave me a positive and an honest review of my work, even a single stranger, that would push me through the editing the book two (which currently 75% finished in it very first draft).

And, before I forget.

I have to apologize to some who download the teaser, because I didn’t reach the schedule release of the complete book (April 15, 2012). And don't worry, I want to shoot myself for that. Now, I’m just waiting for 10 hours until it go live.

Here’s the cover, (which I hope don’t suck, because I didn't sleep all night and dawn because of this): 

   

Now, I wont say to wish me luck. I'll say, thanks for reading and I wish you the best in your life.

Live long and prosper and may the odds be ever in your favor. (oh my... I'm such a geek)

TRINITY (teaser) up and running in Amazon

Okay… so where I am these past few weeks… (months?). Well, I’ve been finishing my book so it can be shiny/polished like a beacon of light greater than a gem. And all I can say… is... its all pain (weep*).

Later about my pain… other time maybe.

What I’m really about to say is, the first 11 chapters of my book is up in Amazon for free (yey! Please have look, ohh pretty pleaseeeeeee). This is just an advertising plan of mine, so I can be slightly known––and I hope it’ll work. The release of the whole book will be on Sunday April 15, 2012. And this deadline stresses me out! And why did I ever post a deadline (stupid me…) but a promise is a promise.

Okay, so here’s the… um… plot (it it’s any decent):

At 16, John probably proclaimed himself as a misfit. A misfit to his evil single mom, a bullied teenager and a hopeless romantic for a girl he cannot have. This is his life. But on an unlikely day, everything changed. Inside a vast library, he suddenly heard whispers from 11 books, hauntings and threats of angels, leading him into a well hidden world of secret organizations, unseen wars, guardian angels––and the discovery of guardian demons. 

Yes. It’s a fantasy, a teaser consists of 70,000 words more or less, so probably you will like it and… not so much. Here’s the link.

http://www.amazon.com/TRINITY-teaser-ebook/dp/B007SG4NC0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334031187&sr=8-1

Is the book cover creepy? No? Yes? Yea, probably yes.

At this exact time, it’s in the top #2,257 and I’m proud of that (laughs) and I’m proud the there are 89 people in the world who have the time to download it in their kindle (sigh*). Technically it’s been up since April 7, but I changed some issues I had with the submission. All that cleared, we have 16 hours of TRINITY (teaser) live in Amazon.  

Well, wish me luck!

Other than Writing

What do I do when I’m not writing? Well, I draw. And I admit it that it’s not fun, but it’s fun when the time your drawing is taking shape. Commonly in the past, I draw anime style but now, I’m in for the realisticJ. Here is some of my works (which i hope you'll consider as... um... not-sucks-that-much).

1. ) Kissing and Blushing – I have no idea why I titled it like that. I created this for about three days and this is a very, very old piece.

2.) Ali – well, this is new. I’m just experimenting with styles and this came up.

3.) Just – this one I did when a professor was discussing something boring. I like this one because it has a poem to go with the couple.

4.) Skull inside – this is me, when I’m a skull and still alive (huh?! Sometimes I confuse myself)

5.) Sinister Bianca – this the most recent, but a very old character of mine.

Soooo, that’s it, that’s my drawings. And no, this is not all, there are still hundreds that wouldn’t fit to my scanner (sucks right?). And yes, I created an artwork for each chapter of my book, you’ll just have to see it for yourself when I ePub it. :D 

How I became a Writer

When I was about five, I said to my teacher “I want to be an astronaut”, when I was twelve I decided to be an artist, so I did summer classes, and competed in events. When I was sixteen, I enrolled to a college course I don’t know if I even need, if I even want. But on December 17, 2007 (still age sixteen), 1:06 pm, inside a book store… something happened. I suddenly decided to write. It was the time when I just watched ‘the Golden compass’ (I know it’s a terrible movie, but I like the book) and ‘Finding Neverland’ (actor: Johnny Depp). Suddenly that day, ideas came howling in my mind. Just for the fun of it, I immediately conjured a world of my own. I imagined characters, a different universe full of curiosity and alternation and a story I believe worth telling. It’s a magical epiphany for me back then, and I think I can never forget that.

When I was younger I really don’t write, I just play with my action figures and legos. They have characters in my mind, and each time I play with them, it’s like a continuing episode for they have a story of their own. It’s not writing I know, but that’s imagination.

So when I first written the very first draft of the very first chapter of my book… It was an EPIC FAIL. First of all (so many ‘first’ K), the grammar sucked, the first sentence was past tense , then the second was present. I mean literally, it really did sucked. Second of all (even the grammar doesn’t sucked) the writing was not good. I got no voice, poor vocabulary, farfetched idea, et cetera, et cetera… sigh* and I had the guts to let my friends read it! (facepalm) I was so ashamed and devastated that time for they told me the truth (and I’m thankful for that)

But… I don’t know… that didn’t stop me from writing. I still continued until I finished the whole book! Can you believe that? Well I did it with some of my friends’ encouragements (friends who is allergic in wrong grammar), which was also writing their own story. They are more talented than me in every way: their writing had voice, their imagination was far better, and their paragraphs are more grammatically correct. But the thing is, some of them stopped writing, I don’t know why, but they just did. I’m aware they have their own dreams, but their talent is such a waste (I hope they can give me their talent, lol).

Now I’m here, typing this blog-post, still having that dream that this idea of mine would be read by people I don’t know (which I’m happy to meet). I edited the whole book, and writing the sequels and novellas in between. I didn’t stop; I entertained critics with their brutal comments just to push me to my finest. And I’m glad I did it.

I have a dream, not just a hobby. Even my writing was stupidly done back then, I persevere, and I keep that dream even with all the criticism that broke my heart.

Today, my story has 195,879 words, and I’m almost done in trimming it down to its most readable form. Proof reading will be next with the help of a friend, and after that will be ePublishing.

So, before I end this, let me give you some words of wisdom:

“Talent is worthless without perseverance”

Not just talent… everything