Vampires and other monsters

As I said before that I’m in an online hibernation… well, looks like not so hibernationy (<stupid coined word) for me after all.

But now, let’s talk about vampires.  

I think the past years we were in the verge of the Vampire mania, scratch that, we were in the vampire mania. Yep, that time I was soo fascinated about them (Twilight(1^st movie)!!! Sequels? Meh), especially after I watched “interview with a vampire” back in 2000(?), their monstrosity just spoke to me. The idea of the story and the conflicts of such fantastical creature inspire me sometimes in writing, but that doesn’t mean that I write about them. I don’t even read much about them.

They’re great monsters––I mean––vampires… (nods slowly*) scary. But I think we need a new kind of monster. Something more terrifying, deadly, a trickster of some sort––

I remembered watching ‘the thing’ (1982), now that’s a monster. The head with a long neck attached to a disgusting spiderlike body left me in nightmares when I was a kid. I want that, I need that kind of monster, but more horrifying.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking (or not), that I already have some monster like that. But sadly, no. I have yet to find that monster that bring nightmares even to adults :D.

Anyway, in a partly related topic, here’s my short short about a vampire.

A Real Confession of a Contemporary Vampire

By: Arthur Johhansen

There was a huge dark home just sitting around in the outskirts of a hidden town, I was dirty and gothic but I was home. I am a vampire living for a thousand years more or less, I forgot my past life, I forgot the people I cared for and the people I killed. I traveled the world searching for others––others like me. Do you believe what I’m saying to you? You wish…

I live at a small apartment which I rented last month; my current job is an assistant editor in a magazine you haven’t heard of, somehow my job sucks (Hate it). My current age is 89 but I look younger than my age… maybe 26 more or less. Well, many envious old timers there asked me about my secret, and my secret is that I am… um… a vampire.  It’s up to you if you’ll believe me but I’m truthful and I just want to take this out of my chest.

First thing first, we are not called Vampires we are called Vampyrs. I don’t know who coined ‘Vampires’.

During the past decades I saw these… imagery of vampires permanently etched on the minds of the people: pale faced, cold skin, sharp K9s, hypnotizing stare, super strength, and a charming face (well I could enumerate some, but this would do for now). I mean, WHAT the heck! What we truly looks like in real life is just like a normal person, and nothing more. Yes we are pale, but not pale all the time sometimes we became tan, and I like tan, I really do (artificial tanning, because too much exposure in the sun can cause us severe sun burns, I hate that also). WE DON’T HIDE FROM THE SUN, actually we love the sun, we don’t suddenly burst in flames because of it.

Another is our craving for blood and our craving to kill for blood… Oh crap, yes we do crave for blood like (you) humans crave for a vintage wine… or drugs (mostly drugs). We got drunk when we drink the red stuff, with no hang over, unlike homo sapiens. I did not kill anybody for blood, because I don’t want to be in jail and be raped… and I’m not a bloodkard/drunkard. We eat human food like you humans do, we just aged slowly.

I have to tell you, I’m not that charming, unlike what other books says. I haven’t gotten laid for a year… fine, two years… three months… fourteen days…

Anyway, my eyesight its 320 in my left eye and 200 on my right, my eyeglasses is out of date now. I’m old, yes, but we’re not immortal! We vampyrs also DIE NATURALLY, like humans, we just live far longer that a normal person. And another thing, we don’t get scared when we see a cross, actually I’m a catholic since birth. I visited the Vatican city 40 times, unlike other catholics. AND WE WON’T BURN FROM SOMETHING HOLY.

Last week when I visited the book store (which I haven’t done for the past years), I saw the shocking truth. There are a bigger section of vampire books on every store, WTF, there were hugger collections of it (I know it’s all fiction but… WTF) –I’m just saying…

Well, I hope many read this shit. The reality and fiction are now blurring guys. And one last thing WE DON’T TURN TO BATS. =D (<smiley face)

Thank you for reading.