Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Some writing tips from a writer who needs some writing tips

Today, I have nothing to do so probably I’ll post some of my previous writing and the edited ones.
When I wore my first book, I think it had more or less 200,000 words. I’m very verbose back then, filling my sentences with unnecessary words and terms that had a great impact on the flow. Thankfully I think I learned my lesson.
The following prologue is the original prologue of my book (Trinity: The Divine Wheel). I changed it because of some issues that would influence the first impression in my story. Read on and you’ll see.

In the beginning of time God created the heavens and the earth.
1Time before time, God created the angels. 2And God saw the angels were pure and just. 3God separated the kinds of angels. He called the fiery-ones as Seraphims, the closest to him as the thrones and the Cherubims. His powers, he called the Archeleos and a hundred ranks more. But the greatest of them was an angel called Lucifer – the angel and bringer of light. 
Creation of all
4Let there be light” God said with only his biblical voice radiating into an eternal horrific abyss. And there was light.
5God created man, the very first human being, and God named him Adam. 6God destined the man to take care and enjoy the beauty and the delight of everything on the promise land, Eden.
7God ruled for the angels to treat the man with superiority, higher than them, and without question all the angels complied except for one, the one who was seated at the right hand of God, the angel of light. 8Lucifer refused to kneel in front of the inferior being – man.
9Even though Adam had all he could possess, he still felt that something was missing, a companion. 10So God created the first woman from man, and God named her Eve. 11They lived happily in the Garden of Eden, and all of it riches were theirs forever.
12But God implicated one rule, and one rule only.
13There was a tree which bears the fruits of knowledge of good and evil, where its color was indescribable, and with the most magnificent beauty.  14God forbade them to eat this said fruit, and that was the first law, the only law at that time of Adam and Eve.
15Lucifer started to question God. 16 “If all is equal in the eye of yours, why angels bow down to Adam, Why my father? My creator…” the angel of light asked. 17You… are the greatest angel, they are the youngest of my creation, he have the will of freedom to chose… Adam now has an Eve… I created them equally, and I love them. What love I give you is different from what is for them… it doesn’t mean I love you less” God said. 18Lucifer eventually turned against God, didn’t accept what has been told,. For he thought he could do better than Him. He tried to conquer God’s kingdom, but he was defeated with the help of the Archangels. 19Lucifer banished from the heavens because of his growing pride and given another name, Satan. 20Satan was angry with the Man, Adam and the woman, Eve. 21His great plan was for them to eat the illicit fruit, and for them to be banished also from the promise land. Unfortunately he succeeded. 

-                     Abditus Biblia dei: *ALPHA  * JEVNESIS*1:20

In the beginning of time, there was nothing.
But in the abyss there was a Big Bang that came from a primeval atom not larger than a smallest part of a matter, and there was light. A violent explosion that started it all, the galaxies, the solar systems… the universe
As our universe evolved, life begun; and all animals started as a basic single-celled microorganism called extremophiles, which turned into a more complex rational organism to the process known as evolution. Eons of biological development the first animal emerged, millions of years more they turned into the Homo sapiens, humans.
Suddenly as the humans understood the universe, as they created theories that explained the creation, they began to question the one who created them.
Man, questioning if there was a creator, if there is a possible being. That was the angel of light absolute plan, to erase the idea of heaven and hell, the idea of beings of the cosmos.
Let there be light, and there was light…

As Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, a war began. A war which continues until this day, a war of the ones who believes in higher power and the ones who were opposed to this said being. But there was another war… a war that was hidden from our eyes, the unseen battle of the beings touched by the heaven and hell; stepping away from our nightmare and dreams and into reality.
Beings, mortals, humans, a person consist of three parts written in any holy scripts by divine messengers: the soul, the body and the spirit, are known as triparticus. There were many meanings to spirits given by mortalkind, but there was only one true meaning… and that was Angels.
When the time Adam and Eve were exiled from the land of Eden, God had given them spirits, spirits which would guard them, ‘till death do they part they will; therefore a new rank of angels were born, the Guardian angels.
Satan gathered a legion of fallen angels and he created Archdemons, as God created the Archangels. During the early ages, when the earth was young the fallens influenced the humans and they were winning, and the first influenced was Cain the first son of Adam and Eve. Therefore God decided and ordered to forge two elements representing heaven to be given to the worthy, just and good; these two elements were forged by the Archangels: the element of Heavenly Fire (flame of Cryo) and the element of the Holy Grounds (soil of silver); they maintained the balance, seeing guardian angels forbidden to be seen by the unchosen. The worthies saw that there was something horrid happening in some of the humans that shook their hearts to terror. People who had been corrupted by greed, power, and callous conscience had no guardian angel but instead, replaced by a Guardian demon.
The Archdemons also forged two elements as ordered by Satan, the elements of Hell Water (water of Helle) and the Deathly Winds (wind of Deao). These elements were different; they perished all those in whom they touch. And these elements were given to the worst and nefarious beings.
The four elements were unique, for their origins were not from earth.  The fire gives life, the water dehydrates, the air suffocates and the last element’s power was still unknown.
The worthies who held the power of the elements that was given by the heaven were called the Septuagints of the divine who protects the throne of God the Creator. While the callous that held the power of the elements of hell were called Oneianecrons of the abyss who wants to replace the ruler of the heavens. They were born, to fulfill their obligations. Until this day they fight, in the dead of the night, when you close your eyes and enter your dreams.
They fight, outside your window they fight
 Silent… still they fight

Before the end…
Each element chose a being to represent their true powers, and it was said that they would appear when the end of days were near. These chosens were called Disceptarix (lat: the one who will judge) or the Pures. These beings had no parallel lives in other universe and were not controlled by destiny or fate.
When the four Pures completed in one universe… they will bring the beginning of the War of wars that could bring the end of all, even ideas, even thoughts, even justice, love, a death of death and everything before it.
Only one Disceptarix had not appeared yet, the Disceptarix of fire. When the last chosen appears, he would bear the power of the kingdom of the heavens, and decide who will prevail at the end of the war, the heaven or hell (although chosen by the heavens they cannot control their will, for a Disceptarix have a pure freewill, but he or she can’t escape being a chosen). The Septuagints and the Oneianecrons didn’t know when the last chosen will come, and if they knew, they will take actions, actions of desperation. They will fight and they will kill.

TOO LONG? Tell me about it.
As you can see, It has some issues that reveal too much of the story. I want the reader to figure it all out for themselves. Some mystery wouldn’t hurt, so I condensed the original prologue to a foreword.

There are many universes.
There are many you…
Thousands of your alternate entities that took a different path in life…
And all composed of an identical soul, body and spirit.

But there are four beings…
Beings that were born with pure souls, original bodies, and spirits unique among others.
No alternates among the endless universes.
They are the Pures… and they are the Disceptarix.

But their gift had a consequence...

From the time good and evil were born, heaven forged two elements
One made of fire and one made of silver.
Hell forged another two, now, made of water and air.
And the Divine Wheel was born.
A Wheel that bound the elements far from what we know.
The fire gave life – The Golden flames,
The water dehydrates – Water of Helle,
The air suffocates – Winds of Deao
And the last element’s power was still unknown…

Each Disceptarix shall bear the true power of an element given to them, and lead legions of mortals influenced by the Divine wheel to continue the battle since the birth of good and evil.

Before the end…

When the four Pures are completed in one universe… they would bring the beginning of a war that could deliver the end of all, even ideas, even thoughts, even justice, light, darkness and love; a death of death and everything before it.
And only one Disceptarix has not appeared… the Disceptarix of fire.

“There are many universes” that was the best hook I could think of, and the best way I can condense it to a non-offending matter. I remember an old dude said to me "It's never in quantity, you will win their hearts through quality"

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